How to Overcome Jealousy in Relationships and Life Happier

How to overcome and get rid of jealousy in any relationship

Okay, let’s have a heart-to-heart talk on how to overcome jealousy.

First, What is Jealousy?

You know that nasty feeling in your stomach. The thoughts that race like a runaway train. The temptation to sneak a peek at your partner’s phone. Or asking that question you know will piss him or her off.

If you’ve ever experienced it – and let’s face it, who hasn’t to be frank? – you’re not alone!

In some cases, jealousy may be sparked by a reason, like a partner lying or cheating on you. However, jealousy in a relationship often signals deeper issues, like insecurity, past baggage, or communication snafus.

But here’s the silver lining: it doesn’t have to spell doom for your love life.

Is Jealousy a Sin?

Well, in super tiny doses, jealousy can show you care deeply, especially at the beginning of a relationship where you are still trying to figure each other out.

But in the grand scheme of things, is jealousy healthy in a relationship? Usually, the answer is a resounding Nope! That kind that gnaws at you, sparks endless arguments, or morphs into controlling behavior? That’s a relationship red flag, my friend.

What’s Fueling the Jealousy Beast?

Before you can kick jealousy to the curb, you’ve got to figure out what’s feeding it, what exactly is it that makes you jealous? It’s time for some honest soul-searching:

Insecurity

Ever feel like you’re not enough? Like your partner could easily trade up? This is a major jealousy culprit!

Do you worry about not being attractive, funny, or smart enough?

Insecurity can erode your self-worth and make it hard to believe your partner truly loves you.

Fear of Abandonment

Past heartbreak can leave scars. Even if your current love is the epitome of trust, those old wounds can trigger that dreaded fear of being left behind.

You might find yourself constantly on edge, worrying that any small disagreement or change in plans is a sign they’re pulling away. This fear can lead to clinginess, neediness, or even self-sabotaging behaviors.

Comparisonitis

Social media is a master at this, isn’t it? Everyone else’s relationship seems picture-perfect, filled with romantic getaways, extravagant gifts, and constant declarations of love.

It’s easy to forget that social media is a highlight reel, not real life. Constantly comparing your relationship to these curated snapshots can breed discontent and fuel feelings of inadequacy.

Lack of Trust

Have there been betrayals in the past? Or maybe your partner’s secrecy or dismissiveness is chipping away at your trust foundation. Do they hide things from you, brush off your concerns, or break promises?

When trust is fractured, it’s hard to feel secure in the relationship, and jealousy can easily take root.

Your Game Plan to Kick Jealousy’s Butt

Above we discussed some of the issues you may be dealing with that sparks jealousy.

Now let’s take a deeper look at what you actually can do to get rid of your jealousy and live as a “free man” not worrying about your partner’s actions.

How to Overcome Jealousy

I firmly believe that the only one who can change your jealousy issues is you. It is not about having endless therapy sessions with your partner. Or, digging deep into your childhood, past abandonment, or something else to get some answer as to why you are jealous.

It is all about YOU, and how you respond to certain actions performed by your partner. You cannot change your partner, only how you respond to her actions.

And the best way to respond? Is not to respond at all!

Have so much self-love and self-esteem that it doesn’t drag you down. Worst-case scenario, have the strength and power to end the relationship if she fucks it up. She is not good enough for you – Just move on.

The more self-love you have, the less affected you get, and the more you will be able to live a happier life. It is the best way to overcome jealousy.

Building a Foundation of Self-Love

This is what I consider to be the most important thing to do. Not only when you are in the relationship dealing with jealousy issues, but also in your personal development becoming the man you want to be.

Practice self-compassion

Something many of us do. We treat our friends with kindness, understanding, and respect and neglect it when it comes to ourselves.

Stop doing that. Be kind to yourself and value yourself much higher than you currently are.

Take up the space you deserve. Don’t hide under a rock. Speak Up, put yourself in respect among others and slowly you will start to build up self-compassion.

Celebrate Your Strengths

Make a list of your positive qualities and accomplishments. Remind yourself of them regularly.

Try setting up notes at different places in your home. Set up daily calendar reminders reminding you what a great guy you are and what you have managed to accomplish.

Invest in Yourself

Do things you enjoy, pursue your passions, and prioritize your well-being.

Spend some cash on clothes that make you look good. Go to the barber regularly.

Lose those extra pounds of body fat that you have gained over the years so you can look at your absolute best.

Set Boundaries

Protect your energy, focus, and concentration. Protect yourself against those who want to exploit your qualities.

Often we end up saying yes to way many things because we want to leave a good impression on our partner or people in general.

Don’t do that. Instead, be a little selfish and say no to most of what people are asking you to do. Especially when you have other things to do. You should only say Yes when it is something of interest or something you really would like to do.

Surround Yourself With Positive People

As motivational speaker Jim Rohn once said; You are the average of the 5 people you spend the most time with.

If you are surrounded by negative people it for sure will have an impact on you as well whether you want it or not.

So make sure to surround yourself with positive people who inspire you so you want to be at your best.

Build your circle of friends with positivity, people you can look up to and learn from.

If you a living in a place where you are surrounded by negativity, I recommend you to start reading books instead. Bury yourself with books from authors that inspire you.

Talk Back to the Negative Nancy in Your Head

Is that inner voice whispering doubts? It’s often full of baloney. Challenge those jealous thoughts. Instead of “She is flirting with someone else,” try “They are probably just friends or she cannot figure out where she has seen the person before,”. There can be so many overlooked reasons that you haven’t thought about so why even bother?

In the case she is flirting with someone else, let her. Ignore what she is doing. It doesn’t matter, as long as you are the one she goes home with.

Also, keep in mind, that it gives you the power to flirt as well. I will bet my butt, that if you see an attractive woman, you will look at her.

What I Like To Do

If these stupid negative Nancy get to my head too much, I take a time out. Reside in a quiet place and think the situation through. Get your rational thinking back in order instead of thinking like a caveman.

Call in the Pros

If jealousy is hijacking your relationship or making you seriously anxious, don’t hesitate to talk to a therapist.

But, I highly recommend you stick to a male therapist and not a woman. Why? I will explain in the following!

What Not To Do When You Want to Overcome Jealousy

Talk things through. Talk to a therapist, is often what you hear when looking for answers on how to get rid of jealousy.

But I do not believe it’s always the best way of action. Here is why.

Spill the Tea – Exposing Yourself

It is important to have open communication in a relationship.

However, often girlfriends, moms, and female therapists recommend you to chat to your partner about your fears, triggers, and the whole shebang. But I don’t think that men should be exposed too much to women.

I disagree. First of all, because your jealousy has nothing to do with your partner. As I said before, it is all about you and how you respond to the actions, or imaginations of actions coming from your partner.

Here are a couple of reasons for that.

Evolution

Seen from an evolutionary, Darwinistic perspective women are looking for a man, who can protect her and her offspring. Too much talk about your feelings and she may see you as weak, not being able to protect the tribe.

Not that she wants to, or is doing it on purpose. But the protection and survival of our species are so deeply rooted in our DNA.

Women are Psychological Superior to Men

Talking too much about your feelings and she might use it against you next time you are arguing.

In the long run, it may cause you to lock yourself in, becoming distant, not wanting to say anything to her. That is when communication issues start to appear in a relationship.

What You Should Instead

Instead, and that’s the difficult part for many of us men. You should focus on building our brotherhoods. Groups of friends, or strangers where we can talk openly about how we feel to each other. Something we suck at, to be honest.

The Bottom Line – How to Overcome Jealousy in Relationships

Jealousy stinks. But it doesn’t have to dictate your love life.

With a little effort, honesty, and a dash of humor, you can wrangle that green-eyed monster and build a relationship about trust, security, and pure, unadulterated joy.

But you cannot and should not try to change your partner’s behavior or actions. That is her life task, not yours.

Instead, focus on yourself and get started building self-love and self-esteem.